airmanslacker
05-13-2008, 11:58 PM
I know I posted part of this in the old forum, but I added more to it (a bit more closure) and even though I'm not completely done with it, I thought I would toss it here for all to digest. Aaaaaaaaand.... go!
We all do this. We all are out for just a little attention. To satisfy that little glimmer of hope that someone will see the real side of us that we don't dare reveal or, God forbid, someone may realize that we are imperfect. *GASP!* No, no, no! Not me! I mean, I may not be perfect but don't you think my new smoker/barbeque, 2008 model family car, increasing debts, and the spit shine of my higher status glamour compensates for all my short fallings? That is how it's all supposed to work, right? You can look your value up in Kelly Blue Book.
You can agree that this life is all that life has to offer, right? So why not suck everything you can out of it and try to absorb every piece of monetary stature to assume the role of a figure of dominance and achievement. Build yourself a pedestal of hard work and self image. Sit atop your tower, your glorious architecture, and be proud. You have EARNED it! There is no better feeling than indulging yourself in whatever your heart wants. The American dream of absolute freedom to consume and give into the slightest want that is conjured in our free minds and our free hearts with immediate satisfaction so to guarantee it is a result of our doings. A momentary orgasm of bliss that we live for. Our life line. Our redemption. Our savior. It gives us a feeling of control. A feeling of purpose, and accomplishment. Who wouldn't want it?
I wouldn't. I've built my empire of personal comfort and free will. I've indulged in the little whims of my insecure heart. I've let myself claw and drag anyone I could down just to climb a little closer to the top (I'll admit, old habits die hard). I've modeled myself after so many pedestal perchers with dreams that my imitations would result in my own state of well-being and success. I've incurred monetary debts so I could wallow in my vision of wealth. I've allowed my eyes to bathe themselves in visions of your daughters, your sisters, your mothers, leaving my mind to be raped and sodomized by what is considered to be healthy, acceptable, and normal. I let it twist and manipulate my motives so that nothing would disturb its preservation. The trust it would shatter, the soul it would devour, the body it would divide with an eternal barrier of suspicion was not worth the moments of satisfaction that I mistook for the answer to my unfulfilled life.
So you can have your social gatherings of evanescent flattery. You can have your necktie remedy that only leaves you with a bad headache when you wake up. You can have your party boat, your XM radio, your fish net stockings, your crayfish, your quad-core processors, your HDTV, your cliques, your commercialized sex that institutes your childs' prostitution, your 4 wheel drive, your east coast / west coast beef, your illusions of prosperity, your Bluetooth, your gold chains, your 24's, your myspace surveys, your creatine, your sense of good standings, your pride, your twin towers, your Tower of Babel that you all try to build to reach heaven.
I find to have more with less. The more I lose, the more I gain. I will resist what you call "happiness" and "life" with every breath that I have. Not because I am jealous. Not because I know I can never attain the flair and flash of your superficial world. I will resist because I want to open the eyes of every soul that is lost in their pitiful rat race to beat someone else to the cheese. I want to be your living testament that maybe there is something else that you may have never seen. Something worthwhile and something truthful. Something that won't leave you in the dust and debris of your hard work after it has been appraised.
Death be to our truthless heroes.
What is it that you want? Happiness. Security. Acceptance.
What are you doing about it? Running blindly into the dark, clenching your hands as tight as you can around the first thing you find like a newborn that clasps the finger of its mother. You rest the foundation of your security on the blind ambition that you have found something that exists and you like to hold it. It brings stability, a false sense of security. You cling to it and swear your life by it because everyone in your social clique lives by it, and God help all of existence if they found out otherwise about you. We all try so hard that we are killing each other; drowning in apathy because we can’t see past our own lives, motives, desires, and dreams.
Try this. Stop looking for it. Stop looking for happiness and security and acceptance and give it to someone. When you learn to give these things to someone instead of trying to harvest and hoard them for yourself, they somehow find their way back to you.
We all do this. We all are out for just a little attention. To satisfy that little glimmer of hope that someone will see the real side of us that we don't dare reveal or, God forbid, someone may realize that we are imperfect. *GASP!* No, no, no! Not me! I mean, I may not be perfect but don't you think my new smoker/barbeque, 2008 model family car, increasing debts, and the spit shine of my higher status glamour compensates for all my short fallings? That is how it's all supposed to work, right? You can look your value up in Kelly Blue Book.
You can agree that this life is all that life has to offer, right? So why not suck everything you can out of it and try to absorb every piece of monetary stature to assume the role of a figure of dominance and achievement. Build yourself a pedestal of hard work and self image. Sit atop your tower, your glorious architecture, and be proud. You have EARNED it! There is no better feeling than indulging yourself in whatever your heart wants. The American dream of absolute freedom to consume and give into the slightest want that is conjured in our free minds and our free hearts with immediate satisfaction so to guarantee it is a result of our doings. A momentary orgasm of bliss that we live for. Our life line. Our redemption. Our savior. It gives us a feeling of control. A feeling of purpose, and accomplishment. Who wouldn't want it?
I wouldn't. I've built my empire of personal comfort and free will. I've indulged in the little whims of my insecure heart. I've let myself claw and drag anyone I could down just to climb a little closer to the top (I'll admit, old habits die hard). I've modeled myself after so many pedestal perchers with dreams that my imitations would result in my own state of well-being and success. I've incurred monetary debts so I could wallow in my vision of wealth. I've allowed my eyes to bathe themselves in visions of your daughters, your sisters, your mothers, leaving my mind to be raped and sodomized by what is considered to be healthy, acceptable, and normal. I let it twist and manipulate my motives so that nothing would disturb its preservation. The trust it would shatter, the soul it would devour, the body it would divide with an eternal barrier of suspicion was not worth the moments of satisfaction that I mistook for the answer to my unfulfilled life.
So you can have your social gatherings of evanescent flattery. You can have your necktie remedy that only leaves you with a bad headache when you wake up. You can have your party boat, your XM radio, your fish net stockings, your crayfish, your quad-core processors, your HDTV, your cliques, your commercialized sex that institutes your childs' prostitution, your 4 wheel drive, your east coast / west coast beef, your illusions of prosperity, your Bluetooth, your gold chains, your 24's, your myspace surveys, your creatine, your sense of good standings, your pride, your twin towers, your Tower of Babel that you all try to build to reach heaven.
I find to have more with less. The more I lose, the more I gain. I will resist what you call "happiness" and "life" with every breath that I have. Not because I am jealous. Not because I know I can never attain the flair and flash of your superficial world. I will resist because I want to open the eyes of every soul that is lost in their pitiful rat race to beat someone else to the cheese. I want to be your living testament that maybe there is something else that you may have never seen. Something worthwhile and something truthful. Something that won't leave you in the dust and debris of your hard work after it has been appraised.
Death be to our truthless heroes.
What is it that you want? Happiness. Security. Acceptance.
What are you doing about it? Running blindly into the dark, clenching your hands as tight as you can around the first thing you find like a newborn that clasps the finger of its mother. You rest the foundation of your security on the blind ambition that you have found something that exists and you like to hold it. It brings stability, a false sense of security. You cling to it and swear your life by it because everyone in your social clique lives by it, and God help all of existence if they found out otherwise about you. We all try so hard that we are killing each other; drowning in apathy because we can’t see past our own lives, motives, desires, and dreams.
Try this. Stop looking for it. Stop looking for happiness and security and acceptance and give it to someone. When you learn to give these things to someone instead of trying to harvest and hoard them for yourself, they somehow find their way back to you.