Question....

[Mike]

Well, I don't know if I really wanna post this, but i've kinda lost my train of thought. Before I go any further...PLEASE LEAVE THE UN-NEEDED COMMENTS TO YOURSELF! Ok with that being said....


Well my wife and I have been married for a few years. Before we were married and i'm sure its like this in most "new" relationships...we did the deed ALOT...sometimes 3 or more times a day...of course it slowly slowed down...which is to be expected. But now we maybe and I stress the word maybe...once a month. Now i'm sure i'm not the only one that has gone through this, and the people that did, might have had thoughts of their other cheating and stuff. I don't want to think that...but its kinda hard not to.

So any ideas, advice...anything that is relevant...and not stupid and mean to say?

[Buster]

I'd say it's probably not a good place to ask for advice. Most people here are young and unmarried and would only suggest you PIITB. Don't take this as an unnecessary post, because it does have good intentions.

It's probably something you need to talk to her about. I believe sex and talk about it should be kept ONLY between the husband and wife. I can't stand when I hear groups of women chatting about their husbands and vice versa.

Don't bring it up in a whiny or selfish sounding tone, just ask her if she's still interested in you like she once was and if not, was it something you did wrong.

If you end up sounding like it's her fault or you only want her for sex, you probably will get it even LESS often, so tread carefully. :D

Women's bodies and minds are complex and go through weird stages. Usually if it's brought up, they get defensive about it though.

How do you treat her? Do you often do nice things for her without seeking anything in return? Cook for her? Foot massages after a long day for her? Random days of flowers or small gifts that were more thoughtful then expensive?

Maybe try setting a romantic mood and see if it goes anywhere.

[Mike]

Thanks for the advice Buster...

But the thing about talking to her about it...well I have MULTIPLE times. She always get upset and start yelling at me. Kinda upsets me.

I agree with probably not bringing this here...due to the youngins on here and the PIITB comments and anything else they say, but I know there are tons of people on here that can possibly shed some light on this for me or provide some sort of advice.

Its kinda hard to set a romantic mood?...We have this beautiful little girl...and well there isn't always someone to watch her. But I suppose I should give it a try one day, they may light alteast a small fire.

Again thanks. Wasn't expecting "advice" from you...lol

[Spyware]

Honestly, I've never been married and I don't plan on it in the future, but my girlfriend and I have gone as long as 3 months without it and that's without a marriage in the way. This was mainly because we have virtually NO alone time and are constantly out with friends.

Dunno if this helps or not, but I'm hoping it will make you feel better. If worse comes to worse, suggest a marriage counselor. Sex, from what I believe, is an important part of a relationship and if you're lacking it and can't get through to her yourself maybe a professional is in need.

[AZN_ZX2]

Try something different. I'm not looking for a fancy way to say PIITB but what I'm saying is maybe it got boring. Try something new whether it be anal or a new position. But then I'm only a 19 year old kid so I could be wrong. Can't hurt though

[Spyware]

PIITB

Can't hurt though

I've heard otherwise..

[AZN_ZX2]

I've heard otherwise..

LOL you ass

[2000zx2chik]

My b/f and I have been together for almost 3 years and have a 2 year old daughter together.. You might as well say that we are married. We have gone up to a month without having sex before and sometimes its because im not in the mood and other times its just because i wait for him n he doesnt make a move. When she wears your favorite dress or perfume do you tell her she looks good? Its the little things that will turn her on!

[Buster]

Thanks for the advice Buster...

Again thanks. Wasn't expecting "advice" from you...lol

No problem. What, were you expecting me to say something like "the Civic probably ruins her mood" ?

I'd never say anything like that.



If you're tried talking, you may just have to wait it out and hope it passes. You don't want to push the issue and push her out the door, especially with a kid. If you didn't marry her just for the sex, then there should be enough for you two to survive together.

Tough situation. I can't say I can completely say what you're going through, but I do understand how to make my wife happy so I was coming from that approach.

The only time we really had a "drought" was when she was pregnant and not feeling well, but it picked right back up afterwards.

Whatever you do, don't come off as selfish or blame her. Spyware might have a good idea with the marriage counselor. She'll see that (hopefully) as an attempt to improve your relationship.

Not sure if AZN's plan will work if she won't let you do anything. :(

[Buster]

sometimes its because im not in the mood and other times its just because i wait for him n he doesnt make a move.

Example of how women can be SO confusing.

Monday "I'm not in the mood"
Tuesday "I'm not in the mood"
Wednesday "I'm not in the mood"
Thursday "I'm not in the mood"
Friday "I'm not in the mood"
Saturday "I'm not in the mood"
Sunday "I'm not in the mood"
Monday *stopped asking*
Tuesday :(
Wednesday :(
Thursday morning "what happened last night? I was in the mood and you didn't do anything!"
Thursday evening "I'm not in the mood"

[AZN_ZX2]

Example of how women can be SO confusing.

Monday "I'm not in the mood"
Tuesday "I'm not in the mood"
Wednesday "I'm not in the mood"
Thursday "I'm not in the mood"
Friday "I'm not in the mood"
Saturday "I'm not in the mood"
Sunday "I'm not in the mood"
Monday *stopped asking*
Tuesday :(
Wednesday :(
Thursday morning "what happened last night? I was in the mood and you didn't do anything!"
Thursday evening "I'm not in the mood"

LOL so true. And if you try something new I suggest not PIITB cuz that'd make her mad if she isnt into it. But try something new when you get some

[2000zx2chik]

Example of how women can be SO confusing.

Monday "I'm not in the mood"
Tuesday "I'm not in the mood"
Wednesday "I'm not in the mood"
Thursday "I'm not in the mood"
Friday "I'm not in the mood"
Saturday "I'm not in the mood"
Sunday "I'm not in the mood"
Monday *stopped asking*
Tuesday :(
Wednesday :(
Thursday morning "what happened last night? I was in the mood and you didn't do anything!"
Thursday evening "I'm not in the mood"

LOL yea but the thing is my b/f like never makes a move so it tends to get boring

[AZN_ZX2]

LOL yea but the thing is my b/f like never makes a move so it tends to get boring

rape him

[Spyware]

Yeah.. Be sure to let her know it's not because you think there's something wrong with the relationship and that you're just trying to keep it good. Especially seems how there's a kid involved. Divorces can destroy a kid and sometimes a bad marriage can do even worse. Prevent this from happening. (Not saying anything like that is going to happen or anything) For not only yours and your wife's sake, but for your kid's as well a counselor or professional might be able to help.

[Spyware]

rape him

You gonna suggest that rape won't hurt either? =P

[AZN_ZX2]

You gonna suggest that rape won't hurt either? =P

Hm depends if your on the giving or receiving end :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Buster]

AHEM.

PLEASE LEAVE THE UN-NEEDED COMMENTS TO YOURSELF!

;)

[j0hnZ]

I don't know about other guys but if you want it take your clothes off and go sit in his lap that's all the hint that's needed.

[Buster]

?

[2000zx2chik]

I don't know about other guys but if you want it take your clothes off and go sit in his lap that's all the hint that's needed.

Im not the one that needs help here guy's...

[j0hnZ]

?

[j0hnZ]

My b/f and I have been together for almost 3 years and have a 2 year old daughter together.. You might as well say that we are married. We have gone up to a month without having sex before and sometimes its because im not in the mood and other times its just because i wait for him n he doesnt make a move. When she wears your favorite dress or perfume do you tell her she looks good? Its the little things that will turn her on!


Maybe I should've quoted that...nice try though.

[OGreaTFuzzY1]

I'm 22 and not married but been though my share of girls and i went to a counselor with an ex to see if we could save our relationship of 6 years and couldn't but try a marriage counselor to see if that helps for you. Not to be funny but, if you really are thinking she is cheating on you hire a private detective to follow her around for a week or so if you have to.

~Fuzzy

[JonsZX2SR]

Well, I don't know if I really wanna post this, but i've kinda lost my train of thought. Before I go any further...PLEASE LEAVE THE UN-NEEDED COMMENTS TO YOURSELF! Ok with that being said....

...So any ideas, advice...anything that is relevant...and not stupid and mean to say?

But the thing about talking to her about it...well I have MULTIPLE times. She always get upset and start yelling at me. Kinda upsets me.

I agree with probably not bringing this here... ...but I know there are tons of people on here that can possibly shed some light on this for me or provide some sort of advice.

I see a few obvious problems. The fact she gets angry strongly indicates she is struggling with something. It may have to do with 'mistakes' and guilt, but it may also have something to do with you having made her angry over something else than what you suspect. It may also have to do with her not trusting you. Have you done anything where her trust might be shaken, even just small innocent stuff.

Your original post suggests some of the problem originates with you. When I first saw this thread I thought about locking it and leaving a message that asking advice and trying to impose rules on others is extremely controlling. If you ask for advice, expect to hear things you are uncomfortable and expect a few dimbulbs to say stuoid things along the way.

It comes with the territory, when you ask for advice don't start the conversation telling people how to answer. Some of those "un-needed" comments might be what you need to hear, and I'm not talking about PIITB comments either.

It is obvious that the two of you have a communications problem that needs to be resolved or the relationship is unlikely to survive. It may be that your communications style makes her uncomfortable, it may be she needs to tell you something and makes heself uncomfortable or it may be the combination or both, or it may be something else.

You should sit down with her and let her know that you a) recognize there is something wrong with the relationship b) you will be there to listen when she is comfortable talking and c) you are going to work on the quality of your own life until she is ready to communicate. Suggest to her it is time to see a relationship counselor, and make plans to see one for yourself if she doesn't want to go together.

Regardless, the two of you need to wotk on this together, sooner rather than later.

I wish the 2 of you luck...

[Mike]

I see a few obvious problems. The fact she gets angry strongly indicates she is struggling with something. It may have to do with 'mistakes' and guilt, but it may also have something to do with you having made her angry over something else than what you suspect. It may also have to do with her not trusting you. Have you done anything where her trust might be shaken, even just small innocent stuff.

Your original post suggests some of the problem originates with you. When I first saw this thread I thought about locking it and leaving a message that asking advice and trying to impose rules on others is extremely controlling. If you ask for advice, expect to hear things you are uncomfortable and expect a few dimbulbs to say stuoid things along the way.

It comes with the territory, when you ask for advice don't start the conversation telling people how to answer. Some of those "un-needed" comments might be what you need to hear, and I'm not talking about PIITB comments either.

It is obvious that the two of you have a communications problem that needs to be resolved or the relationship is unlikely to survive. It may be that your communications style makes her uncomfortable, it may be she needs to tell you something and makes heself uncomfortable or it may be the combination or both, or it may be something else.

You should sit down with her and let her know that you a) recognize there is something wrong with the relationship b) you will be there to listen when she is comfortable talking and c) you are going to work on the quality of your own life until she is ready to communicate. Suggest to her it is time to see a relationship counselor, and make plans to see one for yourself if she doesn't want to go together.

Regardless, the two of you need to wotk on this together, sooner rather than later.

I wish the 2 of you luck...


Thanks for not locking it. I'm ok with any sort of advice...if peopel didn't want to leave it that would be fine....I just didn't want stupid useless comments left.


We both have some problems that may need to be resolved. Communication is the biggest. I'll work on that.


And thanks Jon...

[JessicaOfVA]

Curious... what would make you think your wife is cheating on you? Just because you're not getting it, doesn't mean someone else is. I'm not sure if you have other reasons to think that, but that's how you made it sound.

There are several possible reasons as to why she may not feel like being intimate.

You mentioned that you two have a child. How old is the child? It is common for women to lose their desire for sex after having children. She could be getting stressed or just be fatigued from everything she has to do in a day. What are you doing to arouse her? (You do not need to publicly answer this, you can just answer it to yourself.) Most women aren't happy with a Wham-Bam-Thank You Ma'am all the time. They need you to set the mood and have plenty of foreplay.

But really I agree with the others. I think a marriage counsler would be your best bet. If she gets angry and upset when you try to talk to her about it, it definitely sounds like there are other issues. And you two could use the help with your communication skills.

I wish you guys the best of luck. I've been married for 5 years. We've both had our ups and downs.